OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
foreskin is a definite game changer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
