i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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