He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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