believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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