Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
