ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
