Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
