Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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