ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
