then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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