i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
