How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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