I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
