he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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