i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
