dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
