Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
