why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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