I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
