So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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