Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
