You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize