his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
