Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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