Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
