The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
