omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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