This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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