Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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