You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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