Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
