Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
