We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize