why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
