so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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