Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
