In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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