take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
