And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
