she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
