i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
