i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
