this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
