Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
