Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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