You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
