so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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