Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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