I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
