Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
did i walk over a car last night?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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