Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
