He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
