I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
