somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
