If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
