I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
