I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
