Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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