im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize