I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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