I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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