We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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