just come out here and I will go home with you...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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