We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
