Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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