peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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