He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
