Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize